Blog Top 10 Facebook Ibiza Brags
Category: Tongue In Cheek

Top 10 Facebook Brags To Let People Know You’re Going To Ibiza This Summer.
So you’re finally taking the plunge and deciding to holiday it up on the magic isle of Ibiza this summer. You’ve booked your flights, sorted accommodation and got your wardrobe ready, now all that’s left to do is to make sure that every single person you know is fully aware of how amazing your life is now that you get to spend some time on a paradise party island….here’s a guide to bragging about Ibiza on Facebook!

1. “This time next week I’ll be dribbling cheap vodka down my black vest on Bora Bora while dying of sunstroke”.

One of the most popular ways to let everyone know you’re going to Ibiza, and therefore super cool, is to start a long bombardment of spirit crushing countdown reminders that “this time two months I’ll be in Amnesia” or “can’t believe it’s only going to be another 10 months til Ibiza, time flies”.

2. The purposely vague attention seeking post.

In order to perfect the attention seeking post you’re going to have to subtly hint at something which can only be revealed when a commenter asks you a question, so you’ve got to make the original statement vaguely enticing to nosy cretins that actually give oxygen to people like you.

“I’m so happy right now, just confirmed my plans for the summer and I’m so excited, I really think this is going to be the summer I finally deserve after such a shit year,” is the sort of self serving bait sentence that should tick all those boxes. You’re expressing happiness, posing a teaser and eliciting pity, nobody will be able to resist asking you where you’re going.*

*At this point it’s best to affect a studied nonchalance, as if you weren’t even trying to draw attention to your Ibiza trip. “Oh, just going to live on the paradise island of Ibiza for 2 weeks surrounded by beautiful people in Mediterranean heat. No biggie.”

3. The attention-deflecting track post.

This is up there with the best of subtle brags about your imminent trip to Ibiza, usually caption it with something like “This track is going to be so fucking big in Ibiza this summer!” When people agree how big the track is going to be you’ve got them where you want them, all you have to do is follow up their comment by saying how much you can’t wait to hear it played in Amnesia or Space. That’ll leave them in no doubt that you’re going to Ibiza…

4. “I’d love to make your wedding but unfortunately I’m going to be in Ibiza.”

This is the absolute height of subtle braggery, the sorrynotsorry. You sound like you’re really devastated to be missing out on whatever event it is but you just can’t go because you’re going to be living it up in Ibiza.

5. “Can anyone recommend a good place to eat in Ibiza?”

For this to work you’ve got to adopt the pose of an internet amateur who can’t simply google a question or go on TripAdvisor and instead has to pose the question to their Facebook friends. You can only ever ask questions that paint your life as desirable, you’ll never see anyone ask ‘is it normal to have blood in your poo after bum sex?’ or ‘how old is the legal age of consent in Britain?’. You don’t even care about eating in Ibiza, subsisting as you will on burgers, blue WKD and any coloured ecstasy tablets.

6. The airport check-in.

This is the final nail in the coffin of pre-Ibiza boasting, only to be performed on the morning of your flight as you sit waiting in the departure lounge feeling smugger than Piers Morgan hearing himself talk. There are numerous variations of this shot (a picture of the bags and flight pass, a single shot of the departures board or a selfie at the gate) but the hands down best check in is the pre-flight pint shot.

7. “I hope I have good internet in Ibiza, don’t want to miss my fav TV shows.”

Expressing mild concern about Ibiza not being as good or having as much choice as back home is another way to come across as an unappreciative cunt to get mildly jealous of. Another variation for UK and Irish people is to moan about the quality, or lack thereof, of cups of tea in Ibiza.

8. “Just hitting the gym, gotta get that bod hench for Ibiza. #beachbod

“Have you been working out? Your t-shirt seems tighter than the last time I saw you?”

Yeah bro, getting hench for Ibiza, did I not tell you I was going to Ibiza?? Yeah, I’m off to Ibiza. Ibiza’s great, and so am I.

9. “Wow, getting everything organised for living in Ibiza is a lot more work than I thought.”

Black vest? Check. White vest?? Check. Sorted…

10. Sharing a Wunderground article taking the piss out of people bragging about going to Ibiza as a subtle reminder to everyone that you’re going to Ibiza.

Want to remind your mates that you’re going to Ibiza while at the same time taking the piss out of yourself for going on and on about Ibiza?? Only a legend who is so self aware and cool would ironically share an article boasting about going to Ibiza to subtly boast about going to Ibiza…

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